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In this session, we will take some time
to think about

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how to navigate the various difficulties, 
crises, and problematic situations

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that may arise within our families

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(Professor Chae Kyung-sun’s 
“What Is Family?”)

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Hello

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I am Chae Kyung-sun from 
the Family Counseling Department 
at Sung San Hyo Graduate School

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There is a family drama called 'Our Blues'
 presented in an Omniverse format

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It portrays various types of families

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including sibling stories, friendships

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and even a family

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with a child who has 
developmental disabilities

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One story focuses on sisters 
Yeong-ok and Yeong-hee

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After their parents die in an accident

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Yeong-ok is left responsible for her sister 
Yeong-hee, who has Down syndrome

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Despite her frequent desire to 
abandon or end her relationship with her

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Yeong-ok always keeps her sister 
close to her heart

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The two sisters grow up in an orphanage
 and later stay in a group home

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but as the burden becomes too heavy, 
Yeong-ok eventually sends Yeong-hee 
in a care facility

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Yeong-ok goes to Jeju Island to work, 
making a living by diving

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and sending money to the facility

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One day, due to unavoidable circumstances, 
Yeong-hee comes to where 
Yeong-ok is staying

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They go out together for 
a family meal at a restaurant

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but an incident occurs when a child at a 
nearby table mocks Yeong-hee’s disability

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and a big argument breaks out

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Filled with anger, Yeong-ok takes 
Yeong-hee back home

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Then, Yeong-ok finally voices 
the thoughts she’s kept in her heart

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"I feel wronged. Why did I have to have 
a sister like her? My life feels so unfair"

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"Why did my parents leave her behind 
for me who isn't even nice, to take care of? 
It feels so unfair"

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"But if I feel this way, imagine how 
unfair life must feel for Yeong-hee"

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"who was born like this" is what she says

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In life, we often encounter hardships

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facing crises we couldn’t have anticipated

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In family relationships, sometimes 
we raise our voices

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or find ourselves separated

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isolated, or even cut off from one another

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In such times

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we may find ourselves thinking, "How tough
and challenging must life have become?"

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"How desolate and hardened 
must my heart have become?"

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Humans, when deprived of security

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act out instinctively to protect and 
defend their lives

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When we say we act on instinct, 
it means that our animalistic brain takes over

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Although humans have a rational brain

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we also have an instinctive, 
reactive brain

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one that we say responds unconsciously

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often referred to as the "reptilian brain"

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This reptilian brain was actually
embedded in us by God at birth

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Why?

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It was a 'brain' that was given to us
in order to help us survive

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The three responses of this brain 
can be observed in how 
a snake reacts to external stimuli

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When a snake feels threatened,
it exhibits certain behaviors. 
Do you know what they are?

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These behaviors are called the "3 F"s

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The snake releases venom

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The first is fighting when the snake 
releases venom or attacks

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The second is fleeing

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If a threat approaches, the snake escapes
so we say thing is taking flight

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Lastly, the snake freezes

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acting as if it is dead

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paralyzed in a threatening situation, 
we say they become frozen

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So, we see three responses: 
fighting, fleeing, and freezing

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When family members around us 
suddenly lash out, raise their voices

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or flee from situations

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we can think, "Ah, their reptilian, 
animal brain is reacting"

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It indicates they feel life is tough and 
that they are in a war zone, under threat

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We can see this as a primal response 
to a situation with a lack of safety

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They're experiencing life as a battlefield

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This is where empathy and 
compassion become essential

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So what can we do?

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First, we should create a small space

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As we mentioned earlier

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our brain doesn’t consist solely 
of the reptilian brain

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In order for us to thrive, multiply, 
and fill the earth

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God has given us a 'human brain'

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The human brain,

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develops, grows, and progresses over time

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When we are born, we only have
the reptilian brain that ensures survival

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But as we grow and develop, 
the human brain opens

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creating pathways of wisdom and 
understanding within our brain

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We must create the pathways 
witin our brains

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How will we be able to open and cultivate 
these pathways of the human brain?

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When we feel angry, paralyzed, or reactive

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we must try creating a space 
within our life, our minds

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If we think about it, we realize 
we often cling to negative memories

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Of the many childhood memories 
that we hold

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despite having happy, pleasant 
memories from our childhood

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we tend to recall the painful, dangerous, 
anxious, and fearful moments most vividly

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Why is that?

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Why do the negative memories remain
more vivid than the positive ones?

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It’s tied to our survival instinct 
as humans

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We remember danger instinctively
in order to survive

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To prepare for another dangerous situation
that might occur, we think, 
"You must remember this situation"

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"It’s essential for your survival"

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In this dangerous situation, we must know
how to prepare

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which is why it is telling us, 
"remember, remember, remember"

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So, even if we are not trying to remember

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we naturally are wired to recall 
negative memories for survival

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Then, if we are just left alone,

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we will be more inclined to remember

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threatening and negative experiences

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However, we have a greater mission 
to thrive, multiply, and fill the earth

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So, we must practice and train ourselves

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Good memories don’t just stay themselves

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We need to practice and train ourselves 
to hold onto them

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Once we create a small mental space, 
we can use it to let things out

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Returning to the drama 'Our Blues'

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in the end, Yeong-hee goes back 
to the facility

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On the day she returns, feeling saddened

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she decorates her room with drawings

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Capturing the faces of village elders

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she expressed her loneliness every day
through these pictures

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Later, Yeong-ok asks her, 
"How did you become so good at drawing?"

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Yeong-hee replies, "Whenever I missed you 
or felt lonely, I drew"

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"Before I knew it, I had drawn this much"

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Yeong-ok reflects, 
"How lonely must she have been, 
how much must she have missed me"

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"for someone like Young-hee 
to draw like this?"

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This is a monologue of Young-ok

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My own mother, now over eighty, 
finds comfort in poetry and art

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The year I got married, my mom, 
my friend and companion, let me go

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In her loneliness, she created 
a book of poems and paintings

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She didn’t do it to sell but as if 
creating another child

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she poured her feelings of sadness 
and loneliness into that book

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She continues to paint to this day

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The painting shown on the screen

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was drawn by my mother on a computer,
despite her age being over eighty

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On days when she misses her children,
worries about them

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or feels like crying, she expresses herself 
through these images

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"Weep for yourself and for your children"
(Luke 23:28)

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Let us weep together, whether through 
poetry, art, or worship for some

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Some may study, or by comforting others, 
others may make food

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and some may clean

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to express their love and life stories

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These will be our psalms

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Practicing love and letting go

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being together yet learning to be alone

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being together yet learning to be alone

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In the course of this practice, 
we may face many

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difficulties, crises, challenges, 
failures, and pain

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During this time, we should remember

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Jesus, too, prayed with tears on the night 
before carrying the cross

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We are recipients of that grace, 
aren’t we?

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In times of hardship, in times of pain, 
or in times of failure

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let us tell ourselves, 
let us confess to ourselves

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"My love is not small. I can endure"

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Let’s affirm that the great love given 
by the Lord is indeed great, not small

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Let’s show how vast the grace 
He gave us truly is

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Let’s resolve this within ourselves

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Today, I pray for the beloved families 
that are walking the path that 
the Lord has set for us

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I pray that God's comfort and peace

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along with the power He grants daily 
be with us