Many parents say things like, "I don't want to be like this either"
They wonder why they keep getting angry out of nowhere and can’t fully accept their kids as they are
Some even say, "I'm a strange parent, or maybe even a bad one"
Middle schoolers, on the other hand, often say things like,
"No one understands me at all"
"Sometimes I feel like I must’ve been picked up off the street somewhere"
They express this feeling of having no one who understands them
Today, let’s take a look at the very different sides
we have within our families
We’ll explore how unique and individual each of us is
and consider how we should view these differences and address conflicts
Let’s dive into these aspects
(Professor Chae Kyung-sun’s "What is Family?")
Hello
I'm Chae Kyung-sun from the Department of Family Counseling at Seong San Hyo Graduate University
Some time ago, I visited the Mongdol Beach in Geoje Island
There, because of all the stones, you could hear the beautiful sound of rocks clashing together
which is why the beach is called 'Mongdol Beach'
While there, I was fascinated to discover that
none of the rocks looked exactly the same
I thought it was truly remarkable
Likewise, within our families, we find such different aspects of each person
Sometimes, we’re astonished by these differences because they’re so extreme
Too different," you might say
Let’s take a closer look at some of these differences through a couple of aspects
First of all, we’re born with different qualities
Think about dishes: there are stone pots
and there are delicate glass cups
The shape of a dish, whether it’s a stone pot or a thin glass cup
reveals the different qualities it has
One of the first differences we see is in sensitivity, right?
A stone pot can easily hold hot liquids
But a thin glass cup will shatter even if the water is just a bit too hot
we can see that durability varies greatly too
we can see that the level of durability varies greatly too
Some people are highly sensitive to sounds
When you try to put kids to bed, some will wake up at the tiniest noise
Meanwhile, other kids can sleep deeply, undisturbed even by a loud crash
Visual sensitivity varies too
Some children can see things from afar
observing everything with remarkable detail
Other children might have a narrower, more limited field of visio
| Smell sensitivity also varies
My oldest child, for instance, the moment he gets into the elevator and
smells something cooking, will immediately know if we cooked fish at home
and refuse to come inside
Like this, our sensory responses to stimuli differ greatly in terms of sensitivity
When it comes to children who are a bit more detailed and sensitive
they may be labeled as being
"difficult," "overly sensitive,"
or as "thinking only of themselves"
Another difference lies in
the sense of time and speed
Some people are like cars speeding towards a goal at 60 km/h
while others, by nature, are built with low gears,
moving at a much slower pace
Teachers often talk about this speed difference too
When kids first start school, some adapt to the new environment
very quickly and easily
while others need more time to settle in
Understanding these differences in speed and timing within a person
can be a crucial basis for knowing how to wait patiently
A third difference is perspective
Here, you can see a picture on the screen
where a child is doing a handstand
The view of this child doing a handstand varies depending on who’s watching
The father looks at the child doing the handstand and says
"Wow, my son’s got some athletic skill"
"He’s got a good sense of balance, Should he try becoming a soccer player?"
Meanwhile, the mother, looking at the same child, worries
"Oh no, what if he hurts his neck doing that?"
"Why does he have to be so restless?" she says
But the child himself thinks
"Whoa, it’s so cool to see the world upside down like this!"
These differences in perspective
shape how each person understands the world
The fourth factor is the cultural background
Here’s another image on the screen
What comes to mind when you look at these pictures?
Thee pictures are actually ads for **Coca Cola
Seen from left to right, it shows a person, exhausted in the desert
drinking **Coca Cola and becoming energized
The ad was designed to convey that drinking **Coca Cola
revitalizes people
However, the ad completely failed in the Middle East
Do you know why?
In the Middle East, people read from right to left
So, from right to left, the ad shows a healthy person
who drinks **Coca Coladoes what?
Instead of revitalization, it conveyed the opposite—that drinking **Coca Cola
drains energy and causes problems
That’s why this **Coca Cola ad didn’t succeed in the Middle East
Across all aspects of life,
we find such vast differences within ourselves
Even the language of love varies
For some, it’s about acts of service
For others, it’s spending quality time together
Some value hugs and physical touch
while others cherish words of affirmation
or giving gifts as their way of expressing love
it may be difficult for the other person to understand it.
So, how should families handle these differences among each other?
When we fail to acknowledge differences
conflicts, arguments, and challenges arise within us
Not recognizing or accepting each other's unique traits
and embracing who we are isn’t always easy
However, if we don’t acknowledge these differences in our family,
we end up criticizing one another, and through these differences
we can reflect our unique personalities and the dignity God has given us
leading to comparisons and a breakdown in relationships
My child is left-handed
From birth, I noticed a natural preference in direction
Even when holding a milk bottle, the left hand would always come first
But when my grandfather was around
he was very worried about this
"Why does he reach with his left hand?”
“The left hand is the ‘dumb’ hand What if he becomes dumb?”
I remember how he’d express his concerns every time
One day, my child came to me and asked,
“Mom, does being left-handed mean I’m dumb?”
“No,” I replied, “some people use their left hand, others use their right"
“That’s why God gave us two hands"
“But from Grandpa’s perspective, he probably wanted you to react"
"with your right hand first"
That’s what I told her
Learning to recognize differences
teaches us ‘empathy'
In fact, the beginning of empathy lies in recognizing differences
Do you see the picture here?
This picture you see here illustrates
why our differences are the reason we stand together
In this photo
there’s an elderly man with impaired vision
and an elderly woman with hearing difficulties
Together, they walk as one, supporting each other
It is a truly beautiful image
I’m by your side because we are different
The reason I’m here, and the reason you’re here
is that we complement each other through our differences
Recently, I watched a beautiful movie
called CODA that I would like to share with you
The movie CODA is about a family with a deaf father, mother, and brother
with Ruby, a high school student, being the only hearing member
The movie focuses of the story of the 4
This family revolves around Ruby
they rely on her completely
Though she lives in a world disconnected from them
her one unique way of relieving stress
and expressing herself to the world was through singing
Ruby joins the school choir
Her choir teacher suggests she apply to Berklee College of Music
Ruby begins to struggle with the decision
She thinks, "Without me, my family won’t be able to manage, how could I leave them?"
The movie portrays her journey as she decides to leave for Berklee
There’s a deeply moving scene here
Ruby goes to her mother and ask
"Mom, when I was born, did you want me to be able to hear"
"or did you hope I wouldn’t?"
Her mother responds, "Honestly, I hoped you wouldn’t hear"
"I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to"
"share experiences if you could hear sounds"
"But now, seeing you hear, I am so grateful."
"Whether we hear the same sounds or not,"
"we can still connect as a family"
"Because we’re family," she says
Ruby finds courage in her mother’s words
She goes to audition for Berklee
but as she sings her first song, she lacks confidence
At that moment, she looks far into the audience and sees her mom, dad, and brother cheering her on
Encouraged, she starts performing the song in sign language
The judges are moved, not just by her voice but by the depth of her expression
Through her heartfelt performance
she touches the hearts of the judges
As she embarks on this journey without her family
her family applauds her, sending her off with pride
It’s a truly emotional scene
We are all different
But because we’re family, we can stand together