What comes to mind about family?
You might feel happiness, joy, pleasure
Sometimes, disappointment or regret
Not just one emotion, but various feelings
where each of us carry deep memories
We will explore "Who is family?"
and discover the wisdom and secrets
that God has given us through our family
(Professor Chae 'What is Family?’)
Hello
It’s a pleasure to meet you I am Chae Kyung-Sun,
a professor of Family Counseling
My husband grew up in the countryside
Every year, he always does something
lining up unripe persimmons in a row
Growing up, his mother didn’t have snacks
so when he would come home from school
he’d see these persimmons laid out
'Which one has ripened today?'
'Which one is for my little one?'
She’d pick one for him and because of this,
every Autumn, he lines the persimmons up
To him, Autumn persimmons bring
a reminder of his family and his mother
What memories come to mind about family?
Take a look at this picture for a moment
This is a sand art created by a mother
as she thought about her family
It’s a gorilla The mother said,
Thinking of my family, I feel as dark
like this gorilla She captured this feeling
Here’s another one, by a fourth-grader
We asked to draw what family does together
This is the family picture they drew
The rooms are all separated
It’s not a picture of them communicating
Sibling is 'playing games' the mom is 'shopping'
Meanwhile, the dad is cooking and eating
In another drawing, small in one corner
we see what he imagines their family to be
isolated and very lonely
each one looking just straight ahead
Notably,
the one labeled number 3 is
the father, they said
They drew a pillow under his face
The dad is sleeping
There’s no interaction with the Dad
So who is family to us? When you think of it,
it is where a new life begins
When the baby's born, the child doesn't know
'What is the world?' or 'Who am I?'
But through relationships, the child think
Through the expressions and atmosphere
they feel that the world is warm and secure
However, when they cry or signal to mom
and the way that she responds,
they learn that they can draw out responses
And that they have 'the ability
to create relationships within me'
they learn the value through this interaction
So through relationships with our family
we can learn what life is
what kind of place the world is
how to resolve conflicts
and how to overcome problems
how to express themselves when upset
how to communicate
and how to respect authority and follow it
Family is where one learns these ways of life
the perspective differs in counseling
Early family scholars said family therapy,
the principle was 'Principle of Wholeness'
When we talk about wholeness
we often refer it as a 'systemic organism'
It can be understood through our own body
It consists of eyes, nose, mouth
hands and feet Different parts together
and interact to create a unified body
Family, in the same way, form a whole
we can describe it as 'organismic, holistic'
Normally, we say 1+1 equals 2
but from this holistic perspective
1+1 holds an infinite number
Think about one man, right?
Imagine that one man and one woman meet
They marry and form a family unit
But here, this 1+1 is
not just a simple sum of one and one
Each person brings layers of their life history
What they value
What they consider valuable in this world
How they communicate
Or how they view the world The history of
that man’s family shaped his perspectives
And when he meets the other woman
carries her own stories and perspectives
So when they meet
it isn’t simply 1+1 becoming 2
An array of chemical reactions
naturally happens within that relationship
So family therapists and family scholars
often compare the family to a mobile
There are many strings connected
So we can see the movement of one part
causes the entire mobile to sway
Likewise, each member of family is connected
So looking at the 'interactions'
how they're related, connected and moving
and what's going on between them
is important of understanding family
So, In family therapy
we use the term IP to refer to the client
It has the meaning of Identified Patient
In English, when you see "ed"
it often indicates the passive voice
It means that not they did it themselves
but that something has been done
For example, we don’t say 'a broke window'
We say 'a broken window'
because the window didn’t break itself
It was broken by an external force
Just as we say 'a broken window'
when we refer to a client in therapy
we’re talking about someone who is broken
or hurt or a patient that was
'burdened with problems'
For instance, there may be a child who has
difficulty going to daycare or addicted to games
or a father who is disconnected
or a mother who is suffering from depression
Instead of the individual’s own problem
cognitively, emotionally, or behaviorally
So a child struggles with daycare
we see this kid as just another problem
regarding their various interactions
Indication that shows there is difficulty
So when looking for the cause of a problem
we avoid direct cause-and-effect approach
For instance, say there’s a nagging mother
and a son who is addicted to games
Asking the son why he is so drawn to it
he says "It's because you nag me so much"
"I play games to relieve my stress"
Then, the mom responds
“I have to nag you because you play games"
In family therapy we don’t view it as one cause
leading to one effect Instead, we see
that the result caused another’s reaction
This creates a 'circular causality'
This concept also appears in temperament
For instance imagine a 'high-energy mother'
However, her child is more shy
and slower-paced When the child is slow
the mother, feeling frustrated,
steps in to quicken the pace
and promptly trys to solves things herself
This makes the child to be more withdrawn
and as the child grows more reserved
the mother intervenes even more active
Thus, family form circular causality
Like a mobile, each family member
exists independently but in reality
there are countless strings
connecting them to one another
So when we think about family the pain of one
can affects the whole family
If you wonder why,
it’s because as much as we feel the pain
as we are linked, feel as if it is our own
This is the mystery of family connection
However, when viewed positively
one person’s pain can affect the whole family
one can be the beginning of transformation
for the entire family God may send us into
letters from Christ, as the fragrance of Christ
A new life is born, and this life asks
'Am I loved by someone?'
'Am I truly accepted?'
'Am I valuable?'
because God has called upon us
and this is what He has told us
He created each life, saying, “It is very good"
“I created you, and it is beyond good”
“be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth"
We received God’s authority and are entrusted
Moreover, Jesus Christ, who is God
gave His life saying, “I love you"
“I accept you as you are"
Having received this calling
we are born into this world
to continue to ask our families
as one body and a mirror of relationship
to answer as Christ’s letters
In truth, replying to this question
"I love you" may be easy
But because the question must be answered
through the journey of life
Because God has entrusted this to us
because His love is within us
may we carry this onward