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What comes to mind 
about family?

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You might feel happiness, 
joy, pleasure

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Sometimes, disappointment
or regret

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Not just one emotion, 
but various feelings

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where each of us carry 
deep memories

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We will explore
"Who is family?"

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and discover 
the wisdom and secrets

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that God has given us through our family

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(Professor Chae 
'What is Family?’)

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Hello

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It’s a pleasure to meet you
I am Chae Kyung-Sun,

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a professor of Family Counseling

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My husband grew up in the countryside

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Every year, 
he always does something

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lining up unripe persimmons in a row

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Growing up, 
his mother didn’t have snacks

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so when he would come home from school

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he’d see these persimmons laid out

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'Which one has ripened today?'

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'Which one is for my little one?'

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She’d pick one for him
and because of this,

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every Autumn, he 
lines the persimmons up

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To him, Autumn persimmons bring

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a reminder of his family 
and his mother

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What memories come to mind 
about family?

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Take a look at this picture for a moment

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This is a sand art 
created by a mother

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as she thought about her family

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It’s a gorilla
The mother said,

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Thinking of my family, 
I feel as dark

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like this gorilla
She captured this feeling

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Here’s another one, by a fourth-grader

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We asked to draw 
what family does together

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This is the family picture they drew

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The rooms are all separated

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It’s not a picture of them 
communicating

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Sibling is 'playing games'
 the mom is  'shopping'

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Meanwhile, the dad is cooking
and eating

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In another drawing, 
small in one corner

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we see what he
imagines their family to be

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isolated and very lonely

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each one looking just straight ahead

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Notably,

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the one labeled number 3 is

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the father, they said

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They drew a pillow under his face

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The dad is sleeping

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There’s no interaction with the Dad

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So who is family to us?
When you think of it,

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it is where a new life begins

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When the baby's born, 
the child doesn't know

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'What is the world?'
or 'Who am I?'

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But through relationships,
the child think

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Through the expressions 
and atmosphere

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they feel that the world
is warm and secure

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However, when they cry 
or signal to mom

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and the way that she responds,

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they learn that they can 
draw out responses

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And that they have 'the ability

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to create relationships within me'

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they learn the value 
through this interaction

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So through relationships with our family

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we can learn what life is

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what kind of place the world is

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how to resolve conflicts

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and how to overcome problems

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how to express themselves 
when upset

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how to communicate

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and how to respect authority
and follow it

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Family is where one learns 
these ways of life

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the perspective differs
in counseling

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Early family scholars 
said family therapy,

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the principle was
'Principle of Wholeness'

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When we talk about wholeness

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we often refer it as 
a 'systemic organism'

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It can be understood
through our own body

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It consists of eyes, nose, mouth

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hands and feet
Different parts together

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and interact to create 
a unified body

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Family, in the same way, form a whole

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we can describe it as 
'organismic, holistic'

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Normally, we say 1+1 equals 2

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but from this holistic perspective

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1+1 holds an infinite number

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Think about one man, right?

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Imagine that one man and one woman meet

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They marry and form a family unit

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But here, this 1+1 is

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not just a simple sum of one and one

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Each person brings
layers of their life history

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What they value

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What they consider valuable in this world

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How they communicate

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Or how they view the world
The history of

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that man’s family
shaped his perspectives

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And when he meets the other woman

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carries her own stories
and perspectives

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So when they meet

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it isn’t simply 1+1 becoming 2

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An array of chemical reactions

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naturally happens within that relationship

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So family therapists and family scholars

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often compare the family to a mobile

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There are many strings connected

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So we can see the movement of one part

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causes the entire mobile to sway

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Likewise, each member of
family is connected

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So looking at the 'interactions'

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how they're related, connected
and moving

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and what's going on between them

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is important
of understanding family

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So, In family therapy

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we use the term IP to refer to the client

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It has the meaning of Identified Patient

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In English, when you see "ed"

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it often indicates the passive voice

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It means that not they did it themselves

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but that something has been done

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For example, we don’t say 'a broke window'

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We say 'a broken window'

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because the window didn’t break itself

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It was broken by an external force

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Just as we say 'a broken window'

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when we refer to a client 
in therapy

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we’re talking about someone who is broken

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or hurt or a patient that was

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'burdened with problems'

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For instance,
there may be a child who has

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difficulty going to daycare
or addicted to games

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or a father who is disconnected

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or a mother who is 
suffering from depression

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Instead of the individual’s own problem

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cognitively, emotionally, or behaviorally

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So a child struggles
with daycare

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we see this kid as just another problem

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regarding their various interactions

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Indication that shows
there is difficulty

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So when looking for
the cause of a problem

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we avoid direct
cause-and-effect approach

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For instance, say there’s a nagging mother

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and a son who is addicted to games

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Asking the son why he is 
so drawn to it

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 he says "It's because you nag me so much"

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"I play games
to relieve my stress"

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Then, the mom responds

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“I have to nag you because 
you play games"

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In family therapy we don’t view it
as one cause

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leading to one effect
Instead, we see

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that the result caused another’s reaction

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This creates a 'circular causality'

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This concept also appears in temperament

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For instance imagine a 
'high-energy mother'

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However, her child is more shy

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and slower-paced
When the child is slow

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the mother, feeling frustrated,

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steps in to quicken the pace

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and promptly trys to solves things herself

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This makes the child to be
more withdrawn

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and as the child grows more reserved

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the mother intervenes even more active

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Thus, family form
circular causality

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Like a mobile, 
each family member

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 exists independently but in reality

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there are countless strings

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connecting them to one another

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So when we think about family
the pain of one

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can affects the whole family

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If you wonder why,

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it’s because as much as we feel the pain

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as we are linked, feel
as if it is our own

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This is the mystery of family connection

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However, when viewed positively

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one person’s pain 
can affect the whole family

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one can be the beginning 
of transformation

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for the entire family
God may send us into

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letters from Christ, 
as the fragrance of Christ

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A new life is born, 
and this life asks

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'Am I loved by someone?'

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'Am I truly accepted?'

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'Am I valuable?'

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because God has called upon us

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and this is what He has told us

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He created each life, saying, 
“It is very good"

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“I created you, and it is beyond good”

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“be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth"

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We received God’s authority 
and are entrusted

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Moreover, Jesus Christ, who is God

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gave His life saying, “I love you"

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“I accept you as you are"

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Having received this calling

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we are born into this world

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to continue
to ask our families

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as one body and a mirror of relationship

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to answer as Christ’s letters

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In truth, replying to this question

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"I love you" may be easy

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But because the question must be answered

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through the journey of life

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Because God has entrusted this to us

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because His love is within us

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may we carry this onward