Hello, this is Salon de Pod with our wellness partner iHerb
(Host Park So Hyun) Let's begin the show for today
(Host Park Haneul) There's an event for subscribers today as well
so please watch the video until the end
This time, we also brought a 25% discount code for the iHerb house brands
Please check the description for more information
I have heard that
(Excited) Today's guest might be someone that we really need
I just heard a brief bio of this person
(Explosion of curiosity) And I have so many questions, so excited!
We always have so many questions LOL
(Questioners, full of curiosity) We're always full of questions
Curiosity Heaven
I'm looking forward to what we'll talk about
Let's invite our guest in
Welcome
(Enthusiastic entrance) Hello
(Fancy Purple Dress) The purple dress is so pretty
It looks good on you
If I have to sit between these two pretty people
my beauty needs to survive
I can't be a squid
You're so beautiful
What are you talking about!?
Haneul
What you wore today to avoid being a squid
(Unusual princess style Haneul) I'm different than usual
It's so beautiful
A strong will to not stay ugly!
(Haneul has always been pretty!) I've worked so hard
(Then...) Both of you are ready now...
Do you have a boyfriend?
(Teacher, please turn on the warning light :( ) We're in trouble
That was a hard question to start with
Teacher!
Please introduce yourself first before all questions
(Wow!!) I've been teaching in companies for more than 20 years
I have been teaching leadership
and communication at many companies
(Cha Hee Yeon, psychologist and CEO of Marry People) Now I run a matchmaking company
I'm Cha Hee Yeon
(Love and Marriage 101 by a professional psychologist)
(YouTube channel with 330K sub)
(Psychologist and CEO of Marry People, Cha Hee Yeon)
(Nice to meet you)
(A true fan) I watched a lot of her YouTube videos
(Time flies) There are so many fun things
Right
It's our first time
With a guest who specializes in psychology
(Credibility spikes up) So you are so credible to us
I wonder how you got into psychology
At first
I majored in business administration and education
(Two majors already?) And in education, you do curriculum development
And for my curriculum development
I was asked to have a certificate in psychology
so I made one
(Brain power FLEX, got masters to make most out of it) And I majored in it as well, because I studied for it anyways
(Wow..!) So I did bachelor's and masters again
You must've been a smart student
(Humble) No, that's not true
You must like studying
Yeah, I'm sure she enjoyed the process
(Triple major for a living) It's so called "for a living"
We mentioned
earlier briefly
(Interest-provoking YouTube channel) we watch a lot of your YouTube videos
And the topics are unique
and they get lots of positive feedbacks
(Q. Reasons why you make YouTube videos?) Can I ask for an introduction of your contents?
I saw lots of YouTube channels
and got upset the most in
how they make videos about dating based on their own experiences
Right
But from the psychological perspecitve is
that how the other reacts is
(Really?!) based on my own preference and temperament
That's why
a dating skill or advise
based on one's own experience
may not be helpful for other people
Because we are different people, right?
Correct
But when you chat with your friends
they say something like "I've been there and it's your fault!"
And they always ignore what I say
(Real upsetting) I pour my heart out and advise them
(Ugh.. what do you even know) they say "what do you know"
They ignore me so much
and I think that culture needs
to be gone
We make videos introducing academic papers
Based on theories in psychology
And among them
Most of the videos are about dating, relationships, and flirting
We talk about skills for flirting a lot, right?
Right, I'm curious about it
That flirting skill is a skill
based on persuation and relationship skills in psychology
So there are lots of theories regarding that
I mean, seriously…
I’m not good at convincing someone
(Fun but sad lol) But I’m worse at flirting at someone
Those are somehow in the same context
That’s why I am…
not good at my love life and also relationship
I have some troubles in many ways
But in the end
(Flirting is deeply related to the basis of relationship) Eeverything starts from the beginning of relationship
That’s true
What do you think is the most important thing in a romantic relationship?
We need a good start
A good maintenance
And a good breakup
But most of all, you need to know how to flirt
to make it happen to start with
(It’s difficult to start..!)
In fact, this beginning of the relationship
And how it is maintained are very important
Tell us more
(Such an active request lol) In short
I can understand very well in theory
(Difficulty level in reality: impossible) But in real life, this is such a difficult process
Right
(Before that!) Before we talk more about it
(What’s Haneul’s type?) What is your type, Haneul?
(Cough cough) I don’t know about it at all
Oh yes
(Shy) I… So my type is
(Hold on)
It’s not like we’re going to do some match making
We just want to know
(The question is only out of curiosity) She acts as if we’re going to find someone for her
That’s why I’m here
(Go ahead, Haneul) I’m here for you
I mean, tell us already
TWS DOHOON
(TWS DOHOON, a.k.a baby wolf) DOHOON looks like this
So good looking!
I think I'm into that wolf face
When I think about it
(Okay?)
And for the character
Someone who appreciates the little things
And who can be content in the present
I don't think I can relate to someone with a huge ambition
(She poured out her list of her ideal type) When I look at the photo right now
He’s not the pretty-and-handsome one
He’s handsome in manly way
That's right!
The one that is pretty and handsome
His name is SHINYU
(TWS SHINYU a.k.a baby giraffe) The pretty and handsome man
So cute
So Haneul, your type is
(Hanuel's ideal type) A masculine type of man, I assume
(Someone tough yet) Innocence still being in there, you know
Since you are someone who is very free
You wish your significant other to control that
So you are looking for
Someone who can lead you while cherishing you endearly
-So true -Is that right?
(Oh my god) Oh, you really need to
Get paid for this
Is it correct?
(Can't believe) Yes, it is correct
(Figured out Hanuel's nature under just a short conversation) We just met and talked just about a minute and you figured out these all
Since it is based on psychology
We see the difference
(My turn, my turn) So, in my case, ma'am
like over 30 years
I've never had my type over someone's look
but here I am now
(I only cared for character and...) I really looked for the character
(That's the hardest part) Good character is something hard to find
You can tell when you date someone for a while
But, among the three
(Q. Looks, money, character; what is the most important one?) In your view what's the most important?
Though everything is important
Actually
If you just start with the looks or the money
Then it is a simpler story
(Ah ha..) In fact, the money is
(First, money) a financial ability for the living of both
When it is enough for the essential living of both
I consider it fine
(Second, looks) And for the looks
it is not that important part actually
(Personal preference for the looks) Everyone has a different preference
But according to psychological studies, most of people
tend to be attracted by
someone who have the similar appearance
To themselves
(Hold on a second)
I have never been attracted to
someone who is slender like myself
(So Hyun's type is SHINDONG from SUPER JUNIOR) I always liked SHINDONG from SUPER JUNIOR
Ah, is that so?
(Sad..) So I mean this is
I think something's been out of step
Appearance is
It's not that I like someone slender because I am too
(Lookalike, overall features & Atmosphere) It's the mood of the eyes, nose, mouth, and so on
Right, round
(Oh~!) I've never liked
Someone sharp or chic
(Like me) It's always been someone cute
(Heart beating) Do I look like DOHOON then?
You don't!
(Haneul, never mind) You don't!
(Salon de Pod) You really don't!
The reason why it's so hard to look for character is
Because everyone defines character differently
So what do you think is character?
I guess he's not lying
(Right!) He's always telling the truth
(So Hyun's definition of honesty: straightforward) A person who can speak straightforward
Straightforward?
So we're saying that they're honest
If we focus on that honesty
People who are very honest don't lie
But that doesn't mean they're being straightforward either
-It doesn't? -It's a different story
-Oh, I see -Yes
It's a wide range of things then
We say character easily, but
Actually it's something very superficial
So if we can't take examples into actions
Every time we see someone
(Criteria shaken by each and every action) After seeing this behavior, I think I like this kind of person
But then when I see a different behavior
I don't think so
The criteria keeps shaking like so
(That's right...) So
If I really want to meet a good person
(Knowing my standards clearly) I have to know myself well
They say that a lot
I actually don't know what kind of person I am...
(It's hard to know alone) Someone should tell me
I think it's hard to figure it out
Actually, people who are good at dating
They're very good at self objectification and self awareness
(Aha!) What I'm thinking
What kind of heart I have
And what I'm doing
They're very accurately aware of it
And there's another one
It's very important to know objectively
Where I am in society, right?
For example
I'm 46 years old
(Oh my) I'll tell you my international age to be one year younger
You don't even look 36 now!
Let's say she's 36
(Cha Hee Yeon, psychologist, in her early 30s) Please write the early 30s in the subtitles
You really look so young
I may believe that
I am able to give birth, socially speaking
But others may disagree
Then, I need to know what the other person
thinks of me
When I meet that person, I need to know what kind of expectations they have of me
I also need to know the directions
to the relationship between us
And who may choose me in the future
Those with this knowledge
(Need to know the realistic picture of my type) They aren't shooting for the stars
This is a bit difficult
We'd just go for someone who likes me
(It's hard to love with that knowledge) You have to calculate it well and think about it regularly
That's also true
(More important at the beginning of a relationship!) You have to know the person you like clearly
and when that person appears right in front of you
instead of waiting for that person
To ask you out
A woman's skill is to make that person ask you out first
It's difficult, difficult
It's hard to meet your ideal type
(Even if you meet your ideal type, you need the skills) and even if you do, you can't talk because you don't have the skills
I'll tell you
(How to be good at dating, absolutely don't skip) We'll continue talking later today
(Salon de Pod) Ask now, right now
I'm curious about this
I wonder if we're attracted because we're different, or if someone similar is better
What do you think?
This also has many variables
If you look closely at falling in love
and the process of starting a relationship
(In case of pharmacist Haneul) With similar interests
and goals
You want to get to know someone more with that smooth conversation, right?
That's the perspective that says we have to be similar
That person and I are exactly the same
I know too well what that person is thinking
Then, are you curious about him or not?
(Obvious and boring) Right? No
Some celebrities marry celebrities
But many celebrities look for non-celebrities too
That's the case!
There's an uncharted field
What is that person thinking about?
(Completely different from me...) I consider it and have deep thoughts about it
Become curious about it and then fall in love
So that depends on that person
In the end, it's all up to them
There's an interesting result from a psychology experiment
When they asked "What is your ideal type?"
"this, this and this is my ideal type"
It's how the subjects answered the question
(Interested) After time passed by, subjects started dating
When they checked if the subjects were dating their ideal type
It wasn't their ideal type
And while the subjects were dating
They asked the subject's ideal type once again
The ideal type was adjusted similarly to the person they're currently dating
Wow fascinating
There aren't many people who date their exact ideal type
(Love from movies) We don't see those people often
It's not a common type of love
What I always mention is
Please go out with lots of people
I may have liked this person because of his masculinity
But I might end up liking another factor
There are so many variables
Between a man and a woman
No one can predict falling in love
I know, of course
That's why
I suggest meeting a lot of people
Oh really? Then
(Where should I meet people?) Where do people find their partners?
Where do people find their partners commonly?
(These two don't know much about dating) Blind dates? We don't know anything
When people are young
They tend to meet their partners through blind dates
But don't we still do blind dates?
(Hard facts) But do you still get blind dates at that age?
Then let's do it this way
(Setting) You met someone at a friend's birthday party
(I love it) Isn't it nice?
It's something that happens often
Everything's nice but
As you get older
(Most of them are married) There are so many married people
My friends are all married
There's a high chance that it could go sideways
You can't meet anyone
And when I was young
When I went on blind dates
People just looked at their appearance and said they're my type
That was how it worked
But nowadays
You go on a pseudo blind date with all the information
about where you live, what you do for job
(Feels like an arranged setup) It's like an arranged setup
Because of this
That person may be judging me as well
And I really do not like this
To be honest
that's the right thing to do if you're in your 30s right now
Because
You don't go on dates to get married when in 20s
So it's completely fine to date them for looks
You're going to break up anyways
(Gosh) Ah...
Isn't that right
And it's nice if it turns out well
If it does turn out well
(Good looks but not what I expected..?) but they aren't like what you expcted, what will you do then?
I got married when I was 25
but got divorced at 35
That's a bit early to get married at 25
I thought he's okay and got married
but the more I spent time him
(Perspective difference when dating and after marriage about partner) he turned out to be different from what I expected
I knew nothing back then
(Oh...) That was very important
Having some kind of similarities between households
is about the household culture, the environment you grew up in
the way you think
All these are shared with this similarity
But if these are different
(Unable to talk during marriage) it'd be difficult to have a solid conversation
You're right
(I got it!) I think you need some basic similarities
to have a decent conversation
It doesn't matter when you're young
but when you're thinking of settling in
you have to be mindful about these
But I think this was the thing for me
I get that they care about your looks
but when I can tell when they're being calculative
(Sigh~) When you can feel they're thinking
'She might do'
(Got it) Something like that
(Wants to date someone for love rather than they're capabilities) I just want to start love
with just a thing I'm interested about them
-Going on blind dates is very hard -Right
So whatever it is
Some people are like that, and others are like this
(Ah..!) 'That's because I'm older now'
'That's because I'm on a blind date'
'They're trying to be clever, huh?'
This way you can't date anyone
It depends on the person
My entire mindset...
(Breaking negative mindset) They are all shattered now
If we look at the research
With someone met at a matchmaking company
And with the person met on a regular blind date
Divorce rates and living things
Actually, there's not much difference
Oh really? Is it the same?
A blind date is ultimately just being introduced to someone
A matchmaking company is ultimately just about getting introduced to someone, too
But the difference between the two is
-On a blind date, you don't really ask about the other person's conditions, right? -Yeah, I don't ask
But a matchmaking company is
(From an outsider's perspective, verifying objective information) How about educational background
And how about property
How about family
They check all of these
So that means unless everything is correct
And has been verified, the relationship would not start
So, in reality, I've given a lot of lectures at companies
I've asked a lot of women
(95% of women think ‘it’s a scam marriage’) 95% thought they were being scammed into marriage
Isn't it surprising that it's 95%?
One of my clients said that to me as well
That was an old couple
(I ended up in a scam marriage, you know~) They said they were scammed into marriage
In the old days
That means, if the marriage is not a scam
No one can get married
That was how severe the lies were
(That doesn’t work in today’s times!) I think this is really bad
What So Hyun mentioned earlier
It’s the end of the line in terms of honesty
A little exaggeration is just a minor detail
(There are cases where people deliberately lie) In reality, there are a lot of cases where people lie
And there are cases
That people won't mention their weaknesses at all
(Silence can also be a lie…)
(Salon de Pod) While running a matchmaking company, you must have met many people
(Q. Do you have any memorable episodes at work?) Are there any people who stand out in your memory?
Actually
(In the registration process) After verifying the basic specifications
There is a reason for conducting personality and psychological assessments
(This story will be good!) So there was
A person who requested
to be registered
So I decided to make a consultation
(Concentrating) By chance, on our channel
(A very long comment on YouTube video) There was a long comment
And that comment
It was schizophrenia
-You could tell just with that..!? -Yes
So to that comment I replied
'It must be schizophrenia, please see a doctor'
I left that comment below
And I just forgot about it afterwards
But
The person who applied for the consultation
He called our company
And he complained
'I'm just here to get registered, don't tell me to go to a hospital!'
And I figured
The person who wrote this comment was him
But with objective measures
He's the CEO of a small and medium-sized company whose sales were great, his looks were good, and everything was good
But when he thinks about himself
He's only mildly depressed
That's what he thought
But that wasn't it, right?
For schizophrenia
-There are cases where the initial symptoms are depression -Right
To our membership manager I said
'This person needs to go to the hospital, don't take him'
That's what I said to the manager
(Curious) But at what point did you know it was schizophrenia?
How did you know just by looking at the comment?
So symptoms for schizophrenia includes
Inconsistent writing
'I was going to wash up at home and go out'
And it switches to 'My friend did this and that'
And then suddenly 'I am depressed'
It's all over the place
-And they themselves don't realize -Even when writing themselves
Usually, when we write
We tend to plan it out more than for our speech
Still it would be scattered
It's because
If you keep seeing or hearing something next to you
You can't concentrate
(She could see the symptoms as a psychologist) So the content would be all over the place
(Salon de Pod) Then, as you run your matchmaking company
Is there anything you really care about, in order for a successful match?
So, marriage is...
You're not getting married for the wedding
You get married in order to
Live long together and happily together
If you only go for the conditions, then with
Different values and preferences
Then it can eventually lead to divorce
That's why I do things like personality assessments
or psychological assessments
To match people with similar preferences
and similar directions that both are headed towards
For example
I want doctor, I want lawyer
Someone may say this
But actually these people
From very young age, they have worked really hard
(It's a career where you have to study your whole life) Even after getting a job, they have to keep studying really hard
They hardly have time for themselves
It's important not to choose someone just because they have a good job
If you need to experience being loved
If spending time together is
one of your core love languages
(Conditions may be good, but a happy marriage isn’t guaranteed) Just because someone has a professional career doesn’t mean that you'll be happy
That's right!
What might seem like a good husband to others
doesn't mean he is the best husband for me
I think this is really important
Maintaining that relationship is much more important
(The concept of having similar values can be challenging to understand) When we say similar, it means that we're from similar family backgrounds
also financial situations are somewhat alike
When we say the family backgrounds are similar, it means
In psychology
we refer to this as social learning
It's often said that we tend to live the way we observed and learned while growing up
(That's what it is~) Ah, I see
(Importance of family environment in social learning) That's why the family environment is so important
It doesn't mean that you have to come from a wealthy family
For instance, someone comes from a family of educators
(Education, finances, manners, and other key values vary from family to family) Their focus is strongly aligned with education and likewise things
Then introduce someone with similar values
or someone from that kinds of family
Then they are likely to be similar
Someone who runs a business
(Exactly!) would likely to meet someone with another family of entrepreneurs
(Perfect match) A family involved in arts then they would likely to match well with another artistic family
They’re bound to understand each other so well
While there are both artists and those who appreciate art
qctually when I set someone with another person based on professions
(Professional compatibility) There are jobs that match well together, and others that don’t
(Totally curious) Please tell us more about it
For example
(The perfect match for a celebrity is~??) It's a celebrity
But celebrities
They get along well with white collar professionals
(White collar professionals!?)
Celebrities are freelancers
They take initiative in setting their own schedules
and have to do things on their own
They have that solopreneur mindset
The white collar professionals are smart and
(Pros with a strong business mindset who've started up) Also businessmen, like those who started a company
So, with these people
Conversations are bound to be similar
But if
(How's the office worker-entrepreneur chemistry?) an office worker and an entrepreneur talk, would they click?
They won't
They are in a hired position
That'd be like talking as employer and employee
Even in romance
(That makes sense..!)
If an employee
meets a business owner
it feels like talking to the underlings
That’s how they may feel
Back in my day, many celebrities
got married to white collar professionals
such as doctors and persecutors
Though their careers are totally different, but actually
(Life attitude shown in their jobs) Their attitudes toward life are similar
(So fun) Super interesting
(Question with personal interest) Then which professions should celebrities avoid?
From my experience...
Celebrities
find it hard to date those in
office job or public service positions
It's the opposite situation
Celebrities are artistic people
and are very emotional
Civil servants are very rational and
need to make use of the existing resource
They also have to live a structured life
They're people within that frame, so
When these two meet
Both need to have a wide range of tolerance to get along
They must be understanding of each other
This is so fun
(What professions go well with Haneul?) Then what about her?
For you...
She's also self-employed, isn't she
(So Hyun & Haneul are similar) Then we're kind of similar types?
Yeah, kind of
So, like a freelancer
A business owner
Or white collar professional
Those will be a nice fit
(I'll remember!) It's so amazing
(Psychologist + Matchmaking agency CEO) So this is something I can tell you from experience
That's why, with the jobs
One's character may change
There are innate personality tendencies
and tendencies that are created later in life due to jobs
And there's my attitude toward life, which is built with that job
(That's exactly my case!!) I wasn't like this when I was doing ballet
But my personality
changed a lot after becoming a celebrity
When I was doing ballet
-I actually said three words a day -What?
I was such a quiet kid
My classmates would say
Seeing me hosting a show here
(What the world is this, Park So Hyun talking!?) "What the world is this?"
I really said three words a day
(Waiting room talk) But I thought you naturally like talking
So, that changed
It's so amazing
I was a really quiet student
I was kind of an invisible kid
At that time
I was thinner than now
So I didn't have the energy to talk
(Tragicomic lol) It was hard just to do ballet
(Seriously) I was tired enough to do ballet
I really didn't talk
But after I became a celebrity, I became like this
(Salon de Pod) Did she come to school? Was Park So Hyun here?
I was like that kind of kid
The real last question
(Haneul's last curiosity, having shown unprecedented concentration) I'll take questions because there's something she really wants to ask
I really
with my friends
(Regular topic for relationship discussions) I discuss this with them so much
(Why we remember ex-lover we fought a lot?) When you remember your ex who you fought a lot
Do you fight a lot because you like each other, or did the fighting make you two close?
There's a saying that the chance of meeting your ex-lover again
and getting along well is 3%
Don't start over with your ex-lover again, they say
But others
When I read stories on my radio show
People often say they met again and got married again
In fact, the reason
you broke up is very important
Have you heard that the best match is said to be 70%?
The remaining 30% is supposed to be different
This applies to all
Everyone has an area they absolutely cannot compromise
on among the remaining 30%
(Focus) Among the very basic areas of
the deep inner self
this person has an area
(An absolute area that everyone has) that absolutely cannot change
So I have that area
and the other person has that area, too
So, if I can acknowledge
respect, and accept the other person's area
the relationship can be maintained
But what if there was no room for negotiation because of that area?
Then, if they meet again, they break up again
So I have to change?
In the end, it's a question of whether I can accept that area or not
(Aha..) Same for that other person too
30% is a pretty big area
But if it's only 30%, it means that there are a lot of areas that align
(A difficult golden match) It's not easy to meet someone like this
(The more I listen, the more my head hurts..) The more I listen, the more complicated it is
The theory is this complicated
In reality, there will be more number of cases!
But..
I hope you don't worry about that
If you meet a lot of people
You'll eventually find your match
You'll hook onto one?
They said we are connected
(Love of destiny connected by a red thread) with a red thread
(So Hyun's thread is tangled :( ) No, where are you? It's tangled for me right now
Because you're always at home
(Homebody) I'm always at home
I'm always at home, but I want to meet naturally
-Oh no -I've always wanted to meet naturally
(Salon de Pod) Thank you so much for your kind words today
(Subscriber event ongoing every week) We are continuing to hold events for our subscribers as well
As there is a $30 reward from iHerb ready
Please check the Description for that
Please make sure to check out the subscriber event
We also give gifts
(Gift time) to guests who join us
(Lucky random draw) You have to choose well from the random draw
-It is ongoing -Is there a refrigerator here?
There is no refrigerator
Here are healthy, functional foods from iHerb that are good for your health
Do you take a lot of nutritional supplements?
Yes, I take them well!!
That's why your energy is really good
(Let's see what gift comes out..!) Putting together all the healthy
(Two hands full of energy) Energy given by iHerb
(Bloop)
(She picked it) This
(Curious) Open it for us
I hope it's something you don't take yet...
Lutein
Do you need it?
Of course!
-I'm wearing contact lenses -Lutein
As you get older
The macula changes
And causes aging
So as we get older
The reason why our sight worsens is because
The color in our eyes
Starts to change as they age
And what hinders that is Lutein
(Lutein & Zeaxanthin; A type of Carotenoid protecting the sight by maintaining the density of the macula) And they say that Zeaxanthin is included here
Normally Zeaxanthin and Lutein go together
And they're good antioxidants
And good for the eye
I hope you take it consistently
(Lutein added to the list of nutrients) Since you care for your nutreints you should add Lutein too
Yes, will do!
So how was it with us today?
It was very fun
We had a lot of fun but
What did you like about today?
Listening to you talk was very fun
I was very curious why pretty women like you are not dating
(Unintended roasting hahaha)
(So Hyun & Haneul; We will go to you hand in hand) We can even go visit you
I will show you around
Please do come!
Thank you for a lot of good talk today
It was a time for me to find
A part of me that I didn't know
Did you have fun today, Haneul?
(Genuine joy) It was so fun
I'm really interested in psychology
And when I ask something
She gives an answer right away
(A fun time with brain-hot Cha Hee Yeon) It was so much fun
You were so cool today
So let's say goodbye here
And as for Haneul and I
We'll come back next time at this hour
(Salon de Pod) Thank you! Goodbye
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